What is IFS?

How I Use Internal Family Systems (IFS) in Coaching

We all have inner conflicts—those moments when one part of us wants change, and another part resists. You might be ambitious in your career but procrastinate on next steps. You might long for intimacy but push people away. You may know what’s good for you and still not do it.

IFS, or Internal Family Systems, offers a way to understand and work with those inner contradictions. It’s not just a therapeutic model—it’s a practical map for self-leadership.

IFS sees the mind as a system made up of distinct “parts,” each with its own perspective, emotions, and role. These parts aren’t a problem—they’re trying to help. But without awareness, they can clash or operate in extremes. IFS theory helps us get to know these parts, build trust with them, and bring them into alignment under what the model calls the Self: the calm, curious, confident center within each of us.

Here’s a simplified breakdown:

– Managers try to control life to keep you safe.
– Firefighters leap in when things feel overwhelming, often with impulsive distractions.
– Exiles are the tender, wounded parts that carry past pain and vulnerability.
– The Self is the inner leader—compassionate, wise, and capable of bringing harmony to the system.

IFS in Coaching

IFS is widely used in therapy—and for good reason. But in coaching, we use it differently. I use IFS in coaching to help clients move forward—strategically and sustainably. We’re not digging into trauma here (that’s therapy’s job). Instead, we work with your inner protectors to:

– Identify what’s driving procrastination, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or indecision.
– Discover the values and beliefs different parts are carrying—and update the ones that no longer serve.
– Unblend from parts that are running the show, so the Self can lead.
– Align your inner system so your energy isn’t spent fighting yourself, but focused on what matters most.

What This Looks Like in Practice

Let’s say part of you wants to start a business, but another part is afraid of failure. Instead of pushing through or giving up, we’d explore each part’s concerns. We’d hear their perspectives, validate their intentions, and invite cooperation. When your parts feel seen and safe, they stop pulling in opposite directions—and you move forward with more confidence and less friction.

This work is especially powerful for midlife professionals who’ve already done some inner work but still feel stuck. If you’ve tried therapy and made progress but still ask, “Why am I not where I want to be?”—IFS coaching may be the missing link.

Ready to Explore?

You don’t need to be fixed. You need to be understood—by yourself, first. Coaching with IFS is about bringing your inner system into alignment so you can move with purpose, clarity, and integrity.

Want to learn more or see if this work is a good fit for you?

Let’s Talk