One foggy morning on the Coastside, the kind where the air tastes like cold salt, I found myself having a full-blown debate with myself. Well, ‘debate’ might be generous. It was more like bickering. I was working on a book and couldn’t decide whether to write a section in poetry or prose. (Honestly, I still haven’t fully decided.) One part of me wanted to lean into poetic beauty, the other part demanded clarity.
It felt like a staff meeting I didn’t schedule. Well, maybe one I did schedule and then forgot about.
Most of us carry around an inner conference room. At least that’s what it feels like for me, anyway. It can feel like being stuck between two radios tuned to different stations, one yelling for caution, the other begging you to finally do the thing.
When Our Inner Voices Hijack the Day
Those arguments aren’t random. They show up around career choices, relationships, burnout, and the big midlife question: What am I even doing anymore?
One part of you wants stability. Another wants to burn it all down and start fresh. A third… well, I’m not even sure what that one wants. Probably snacks.
Clients often tell me, “I feel torn,” or “I can’t get myself to agree with myself.” And underneath the frustration is usually something tender… fear of choosing the wrong thing, fear of disappointing someone, fear of waking up ten years from now, wondering why you never left the job you outgrew. The noise inside becomes so loud that you start doubting your own inner compass.
What’s Really Going On In There
I know that sounds like a neat little model, but it’s actually messier in real life. Internal Family Systems coaching has a simple, almost relieving perspective: You’re not broken or indecisive. You’re managing a team. Seriously.
Every ‘voice’ in your head is a protector trying to help. I know that sounds strange, but once you start listening for them, you’ll notice they each have their own tone, their own posture, even their own sense of timing.
The perfectionist isn’t trying to ruin your life; they’re trying to keep you safe from embarrassment. The part screaming for change isn’t reckless; it’s tired of watching you live half-asleep. When you stop fighting them and start listening, something surprising happens: the internal arguments soften, and your Self, the quiet, steady center, finally gets a turn at the mic. Think of it as shifting from a shouting match to a staff meeting with a competent leader.
Breaking the Standoff
I’ve got a few parts that still jump in before I’m ready for them. They don’t wait for an invitation.
Next time you catch yourself arguing inside your own head, pause and ask, Who’s talking, and what are they trying to protect?
Name the part. Thank it. Let it know you’re listening.
Take a breath. Really. Give yourself a second there. You don’t need to silence the voices. You just need to lead them.
I see this every week in my coaching work, when people stop fighting themselves, something shifts. If you’re in that place now, you’re not alone.
And if you ever want help sorting out the noise, call me at 415-869-0411 or schedule a consultation online.
